Ok, things that will forever confound me by their very existence #3847 - Bad toupees.
Got to thinking about this when I saw a man in a store the other day - regular old guy but he had, nestled atop his head, the mankiest rug to ever have existed in the HISTORY of hair!!
The wig itself was your garden variety cheap,noxious, vile,bad bad bad hairpiece. However, what made it's dead-rodent creepiness so in-your-face offensive was the fact that it looked like some one had tried tossing it, frisbee-like, onto this poor sod's shiny pink pate...without having quite managed the perfect throw.
So the wig just sat there, three clicks due east of it's ideal final destination, leaving a furrow of bald skin to cleanly demarcate the scraggly remaining natural hairline from the jagged edges of a toupee made by satan's milliners, while what could only have been a dark supernatural power at work prevented the whole mess from oozing down his ear and sliding off his head.
Now maybe this is just me, but I'd imagine that if you put yourself through the indignity of owning a hat made of fake hair or worse, dead hair that once belonged to another human being (or horse...or ape...or gerbil?) just so you could salvage the derelict vessel of your vanity, then what you really need to complete the illusion ( or delusion, depending on how you see it) is an assiduous and unshakable belief in, and acceptance of, said hairpiece.
I mean, give the rug it's due!! Lavish it. Pamper it. Treat it like a gorgeous but demanding mistress; one with magic secrets and a weakness for protein rinse. Get that flash new haircut. Go all out on the conditioning pomade. Hell! do the routine with the hot rollers if that's what it takes!!(oh, and for god's sake, get yourself some of that extra strong hair adhesive while you're at it!!)
Don't just slap it on and forget about it like it's the bastard child you wish you'd never had!!! Because the only way you'll get the world and me to suspend our disbelief for the moment and pretend that your head is actually full of your own hair is if you seem at least half-way convinced of it yourself first! Because if you're not, well then you may as well lay a dead cat on your head for all the difference it would make...it's might even be an improvement!
Got to thinking about this when I saw a man in a store the other day - regular old guy but he had, nestled atop his head, the mankiest rug to ever have existed in the HISTORY of hair!!
The wig itself was your garden variety cheap,noxious, vile,bad bad bad hairpiece. However, what made it's dead-rodent creepiness so in-your-face offensive was the fact that it looked like some one had tried tossing it, frisbee-like, onto this poor sod's shiny pink pate...without having quite managed the perfect throw.
So the wig just sat there, three clicks due east of it's ideal final destination, leaving a furrow of bald skin to cleanly demarcate the scraggly remaining natural hairline from the jagged edges of a toupee made by satan's milliners, while what could only have been a dark supernatural power at work prevented the whole mess from oozing down his ear and sliding off his head.
Now maybe this is just me, but I'd imagine that if you put yourself through the indignity of owning a hat made of fake hair or worse, dead hair that once belonged to another human being (or horse...or ape...or gerbil?) just so you could salvage the derelict vessel of your vanity, then what you really need to complete the illusion ( or delusion, depending on how you see it) is an assiduous and unshakable belief in, and acceptance of, said hairpiece.
I mean, give the rug it's due!! Lavish it. Pamper it. Treat it like a gorgeous but demanding mistress; one with magic secrets and a weakness for protein rinse. Get that flash new haircut. Go all out on the conditioning pomade. Hell! do the routine with the hot rollers if that's what it takes!!(oh, and for god's sake, get yourself some of that extra strong hair adhesive while you're at it!!)
Don't just slap it on and forget about it like it's the bastard child you wish you'd never had!!! Because the only way you'll get the world and me to suspend our disbelief for the moment and pretend that your head is actually full of your own hair is if you seem at least half-way convinced of it yourself first! Because if you're not, well then you may as well lay a dead cat on your head for all the difference it would make...it's might even be an improvement!
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